Doing Everything: A Cautionary Tale

I’m keeping myself busy for a lot of reasons. Maybe it’s because of the *everything* happening in the world, and I want to close in a little bit to the things I can control. Or maybe it’s because no matter the circumstance, I need to be doing as many things as possible.

So far this year, I’ve added to my plate:

• A weekly blog post(hello!).
• A weekly youtube video.
• 2-4 vertical videos per week
• A book journal
• A junk journal

And other miscellaneou projects. What have I not been doing? Working on the book I said I was going to writing and finish this year.

Because the above listed projects are finite, I can just jump in, finish them quickly, stop and start as needed, and once I am done with them, I can easily put them away. The instant feedback also helps get the jolt of appreciation.

But working on a book is harder. Objectively, it’s creative and rewarding, but the “doing” is draining. I’m often distracted by my endless to-do list, or the miscellaneous small projects I’ve set out for myself. Truthfully, this was the year to write my book, and I’ve worked on it a little bit, but not a lot. What have I done instead?

I’ve thrown myself into posting on social channels and reading and work. I’ve been more productive than ever before, and more creative, but not in a way that is moving my main project forward. And I want to move that project forward. I think back on what is holding me back, and remember a line out of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead:

GUIL: Is that what you imagine? Is that it? No fear?
ROS: Fear?
GUIL (in fury – flings a coin on the ground): Fear! The crack that might flood your brain with light!

Is it fear holding me back? A lack of time? Boundaries? Or maybe the usual problem, that I am so extroverted that the quiet task of sitting alone and writing is just too much to bare.

The usual suspects also include the generalized doubt. What if I’m not good enough? What if I’ve used up all my goodness in something else? What if I never get to where I want to go.

Part of the doubt came up today when I found out an editor I had wanted to hire for years no longer offers the service. A literary agent I wanted to pitch is already reprsenting a similar book. I’ve lost so much community and time to the last however many years…

But it isn’t too late. There are other editors. Other literary agents. Other people who will be passionate about my story. It will come. In my time. In my own way. I just have to write. And maybe, if I sit down and write, the rest will come.

That’s all for this week. If you want to check out my Youtube channel, you can find it here. I’m also running a giveaway on my instagram, if you are so inclined to enter it.

And here’s last weeks post, in case you missed it.

Wishing you a week of joy.

-M