Whelm

When you stand on the beach, and feel the wave crash toward you and knock you down, that is the feeling of “whelm.” To submerge. To engulf. To bury.

I looked back today at the history of this blog, and I question. Why was I so prolific in 2017 and 2018, and have nothing to say anymore. I wrote hadly at all the last three years. And I continue to question why. So much has happened, and yet, my desire to share publicly about any of it has dwindled. I know I have things to say, important things. And yet maybe I am scared of failure.

I have failed so many times to launch and maintain a writing career. I write so much at work that by the time I come home, my fingers ache from typing. And yet the yearning, the desire to do more and say more and stand firm in the fact that I want to give of my all matters. I want to look back and know I gave myself a fair shot.

I do not want to be overwhelmed anymore.

Not with school. Not with work. Not with home. I want to live and be and have presence and patience.

I am choosing today to not be overwhelmed any more. And I have to make that choice.

-M